• has two.

• is the pope of Colonelology.

• has yet to reveal how much he charges for sucky sucky.
• has four kids – Selphie, Yuna, Hisoka, and Rhode. 
• can create awkward threads with ease.
• has been married twice.
• is a professional ellipser/button masher.
• attracts pedophiles and rapists.
• can be lured with Roxas bait (aka sea salt ice cream).
• has been fighting with Repliku since day one.
• went to the first prom with Ashe.
• body switched with Olette in Body Swap 01.
• is best friends with Olette.
• hangs out with Axel.

• is godfather of Denzel, Ryuk, and Albel.
• is number XIII in the Organization.
• was Spartakicked by Toph into the pit (aka fanfiction.net) where he was lost for several hours in Gin and Sin.
• has a secret service comprised of Agent Smith (leader), Azula, Aqua, Ron Stoppable, Gai, and Samus. Temari is an unofficial member.
• won an epic battle against Meat Curtain.
• body swapped with Rikku in Body Swap 02.
• is not a very good petsitter.
• is terrified of Olette's insanely happy face.
• ellipses in Pence's general direction.
• has conducted the marriages of Penelo & Quistis, Seifer and Balthier,  Axel and Azula, Excel and Komui, and Rikku and Kabtuo.
• is the unofficial older brother of Yachiru.
• is Whiskers' uncle.
• lets Tidus call him dad.
• goes on magic carpet rides with Seifer and Namine.
• misportalled while going to make a ham sandwich and was lost in Kingdom Hearts Fandom. Again.
• is the great great great great grandfather of Shelke.
• is Rikku's uncle.
• played Horatio in KC's rendition of Hamlet.

… everything happens to Roxas :’(

THE LIST: Balthier, hippies, Axel, Repliku Clone, Marluxia , Quistis

WATCHING: Kermit, Leonidas, Envy, Akio, and Jecht.